it's just m e

110706

2007-07-11T00:49:00.000+08:00

As I sit here with a pile of homework so high that I've got no idea where to start, I realize how much life has changed for me these last couple of months. I'm a far cry from the anti-social recluse that I was in secondary school.

I'm still prone to days where I'd like nothing more than to curl up and die and hence spend those days brooding and generally unwilling to interact. But the people around me now react differently and I've (hopefully) reacted in accordance to their actions. In retrospect, they are one of the best things that's happened to me in a long time.

My secondary school class mates would have reacted negatively to my negative behaviour and of course, in this case, negative times negative do not give you a positive. I don't know what's different about my school mates now -- Maybe they're older, maybe it's because I'm in a Christian college, maybe it's because I just haven't caught on to the gossiping behind my back. I don't know, but I'm glad for it. They allow me the space to be myself without enstranging me. They don't mind that I spend more time with my teammates than them, something I feel infinitely guilty for.

Rhys said I've been looking happier lately. I hadn't even noticed but I thought about it and I have to admit that I really am happier with everything and everyone around me. It's not a big drastic change... but it's significant enough. I still get called up on my blank, scary face though, mostly from the bowlers =.=

I had my best friends and close friends beside me all along, Sarah-ann, Lizzy, Rhys, Christian, Yuin, Kim, Trish. And to them I am eternally grateful. They're individuals that have made a great impact on my life. But right now, I'd just like to pay tribute to my classmates at SAJC for being special people to me.

I am enjoying a rather full life right now and while stressful, it has been highly rewarding and I am indubitably most blessed for everything I have in life. Right now, Common Test 1 is over and I'm still recieving back my grades.

Knowledge & Inquiry - C
Math - U(ngraded)
Literature - TBA
Economics - TBA
Chinese - A

Evidently, I still have a long way to go in terms of academics. I've fallen back in Math and Econs and KI and Lit take up so much time. Bowling, likewise, has a lot more for me to work on, but my teammates make it worthwhile. Now is the period of the handing over of leadership from the year 2s to the year 1s and I can only hope that next year will be a better year for all of us. The year 2s will be horribly, horribly missed (understatement) and it's hard to imagine school life without them.

I will also be taking my music theory exam at the end of the year while my piano will be taken next year. I foresee a jam-packed schedule the beginning of next year. Family is the same as always, but I am learning patience that I draw from my older siblings who have no doubt grown very much from the irritating brothers that made my life hell when I was younger.

And so ends my reflections of the year so far, in regards to school. Hopefully I have managed to successfully convey my thoughts and feelings as I realize how much more there is to life and how much more I have to learn, experience and grow. I'm still a child in so many ways! And also. I hope this explains why I haven't been around these past months, having been caught up so fully with life and its emotional handluggage.

With much love, I applaud you if you've read the whole thing.

290507

2007-05-29T00:23:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SANTI NILAHHHH <33333

I'm at Changi airport now. Ready to head to UK.
I hope I don't screw up and/or do something indefinitely stupid and/or careless as I am prone to do so. It'd definitely be hard to clear up messes over there.

Personally, I love the bowlers. ((: They make SAJC worthwile.
Can't imagine myself anywhere else... much less TJC @_@ or ACJC T_T
Thanks for flooding my inbox, yo.

With much much much love,
and nothing else to say,
Jillian <3

190407

2007-04-19T08:09:00.000+08:00

Yes, I'm obviously not a very consistent blogger. In fact, if I may, this blog seems to be an outlet for my frustration and anger. Trust me, there are deleted posts from my "angst-years" (which, coincidentally are not over) that you do not want to see.

I'm quite happy where I am right now, though. SAJC has been awesome in that the people here are great and the bowling is always a plus. Not to mention the swt compound. The only thing I could possibly be dissatisfied with is with the academics in this college.

But I'd rather be here than anywhere else. (:

Nationals are on its way, training has picked up to 3-4 times a week. My right thumb is approximately 1.5x the size of the left one and my middle and ring fingers are on its way to being callused. Now they're just sore.

Been doing a lot of last minute work, considering that I can NEVER get any work done on tuesdays, wednesdays, fridays and saturdays when there's training. I get home at 10++ and even if I don't, (AND TRUST ME ON THIS) Bowling is a very mentally draining sport. So don't give me that "Oh. But it's just Bowling!" look. I will KEEL you. >F

I hope things get better after nationals... but I don't want nationals to be over. You get what I mean? Conversely, I hate studying.

Speaking of last minute work, gotta do my PI which is due today. It seems that work that has been given at least a week's worth of notice have all been done on the day itself within the hour.

So.. ya. My poor teachers and friends.

050307

2007-03-05T12:44:00.000+08:00

I have an absolutely amazing CG

http://07A08.blogspot.com

Not looking forward to 2nd intake right now.

030307

2007-03-03T22:16:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I look at him and I wonder what goes through his head. I look at him and I feel confused. I feel like yelling at him. Or physically attacking him. Neither'd be of any use, I know.

He's completely unreasonable, stubborn and unwilling to see things from a different perspective, much less consider the situation from the point of view of others. He's a bigoted twit most times. And the most ironic thing? He insists otherwise.

It's as though he enjoys making the people around him miserable.

I grew up not knowing him. He bludgeons his way back into our lives and all of a sudden, I'm expected to act as though he has been there at every step of the way. At my early stages of life, while I still needed guidance for most of the decisions and choices I had to make, he was preoccupied with other things. By the time he stepped in again, I'm sorry to say that I grew enough of a brain to be able to decide most things for myself. Whether he likes it or not.

But I love him. How can I not?

Unfortunately, he makes it so easy to hate him.

I'm no longer an infant nor a child. Not a pre-teen nor an immature brat. If there's one thing my mother successfully brought me up to be, it's to be an independent, and mature thinker. Not be a spoilt, whiny moron that still views the word through rose tinted lenses all the time.

That, however, does not make me a complete fatalist or cynic. I'm still a girl. Sensitive and prone to bouts of PMS, wants and needs.

And I want and need my God. I live for Him and love Him. How can I not?

He is so easy to love, because He loves me unconditionally and has been there everytime I look to Him.

So if he can't accept that, I cannot but defy. I will not renounce my Lord, even for a loved one like himself. He can continue to blame it on everyone else around him save for himself, but it will not change things. I can only pray that he will see the light. Somehow, some time. How do I let him know how important this is, that it is not hypocrisy or a waste of my time? How do I assure him that I do love him?

No matter how many times he brings me to tears, threatens me, threatens my mother, yells at my brother and creates public spectacles... some things will never change. And this is one thing I will not give up.

I am seventeen this year. No longer considered a minor, even in the eyes of the law. If I have to stay out late because I had a meeting, a training session or because I wanted to spend time with friends, it does not mean that I have no care for him or that I have absolutely no wish to spend with him. I have just... grown up a little more.

Perhaps I grow overzealous with my social life, but it does not make me love him any less. I am no longer a child that spends all her time at home. Instead, I have been given independence. And a curfew. Which I do keep, to the best of my abilities.

... Never have I had to report to more than one parent. But now I do. So I live and learn. Unforuntately, habit is hard to break.

But I can say this: I cannot read his mind. With vague references and wordless demands, I am completely unable to know what he wants. It makes no sense whatsoever that he expects me and my siblings to carry out his every whim when we don't even know what these whims are.

Hence, I can also tell you this: His expectations are unattainable.

There is always this feeling of helplessness and frustration every time I talk to him. His words hurt, like clamp or vice over my chest. There is also resignation when I hear a commotion outside my door, be it him and my mother or him and my brother. Same old thing, over and over again.

Have I really failed as a daughter?

... Has he succeeded as a father? As a son to his own mother?

Does the fault really lie with me?

I don't have answers. Perhaps there are no answers. Whichever the case, it stands that I have no inkling as to what to do now.

I try to ignore it. Fail miserably. I have so many things to do aside from locking myself in my room so that I can wallow in misery and self-pity. I hate looking at my brother and watching him cry, hate watching my mother trying to make light of the matter, hate watching my grandmother plead with my mother to not take him seriously.

It's like another drama serial all over again.

Now he refuses to pay for anything. Not my bowling, not my trips, not my anything save perhaps for the household bills.

I grew up in luxury; had whatever I needed and wanted. I am now more sure than ever that it was my mother that taught us not to depend too much on it because such things are never 'forever'. So when it was taken away, it did not seem like my life had ended. It had merely changed. That is not to say that money is completely unimportant, however. Sure, I can do without having more than enough money. I can live by the fact that I actually have a budget.

But how do I turn to my mother who is already working so damnably hard? How do I ask her for money when I know thinly she has to spread her income? My school supplies, my music, my bowling fees, my bowling equipment, my allowance? How can I, when I've heard the words "barely enough"?

I really can't.

What's the use of doing well in everything else? What's the use of gaining self-satisfaction from my studies, from my bowling and leadership achievements when I look at him and feel like I'm never enough?

Somehow, I'd rather he were still out there working into the early hours of the morning, doing whatever it is he did with his elitist group of friends.

Because right now, I'm just very, very tired.

060207

2007-02-06T19:45:00.000+08:00

Jack of all trades, Master of none.
All in the name of laughter and fun.

Birthed by desire to learn and enjoy,
But broken by truth: Gifted? Not I.

130107

2007-01-13T20:14:00.000+08:00

So much to do...

... so little time.

;D

You're the little sister that I never had and I love you very much indeed, bratling.

Happy 15th Birthday <3

070106

2007-01-07T10:46:00.000+08:00

As usual, a lot of things have happened which I should/can blog about but as per my usual lazy ass self, I have no ~~death~~ wish to recount the past three days word for word. I shall, however, give a shot at summarizing.

The first day sucked. The second day was better. The third day rocked. My OG mates were cool, fun, and everything nice. Also, I met a lot of old friends /family friends /school friends /new friends /people-that-are-not-friends /people. We played games, cheered, danced, yelled and screamed. The end.

*gets bricked*

The orientation itself was awesome and I think kudos should go out to Jason and his team of councillers, especially to Christopher (OG29's OGL) 'cause m'biased like that. Much thanks and all that because despite the initial whingings and gripings I really did wind up enjoying myself and so did everyone around me.

If you really want to know more, give me a call and I'll be glad to recount (with the proper amount of exaggeration and hand gestures) several rather amusing events that happened. Alternatively, call Kim. The poor girl has born the ~~brunt~~ responsibility of being my real life journal these past few days.

8D Yours truly has also heard a teeny bit about TJC's orientation.

In all, despite long travelling time and whatnot, I'm really glad I decided to DSA to SAJC and thankful that I got accepted. I have a really great feeling about the upcoming 2 years ahead of me, even if we have been warned multiple times about the stress and the workload which will be piled atop said travelling time. *eyes Lizzy*

Thank you, Father, for guiding me here.

That being said and done, Saturday was mainly spent making a trip down to TKG to collect my EAGLES award and going down to Tampines Central CC to collect the merit bursary. 400 dollars in total. All in the hands of my mother right now, which is a good thing, because personal money never lasts very long with me.

Also, I fell asleep at 6pm on Saturday and woke up at 10am today. XDD

Damn did it feel good.

As a parting shot:

OG29 FROM TAZULLA ROCKS ;D

T Tazulla uh!
T, T Tazulla uh!
T Tazulla uh!
T, T Tazulla Unghh!

Lotsa love and laughter,
Junyi *

Sarah, Lizzy, Disha, Flo: Three out of the four of you have mentioned outings of some kind. Can we decide on TKGS' CCA orientation day? Also, Flossy has issued the Cry For Help in regards to the EB booth. So, yes, HELP?!

Lizzy: *grin* I'm sorry, but you crack me up too much, luv.

041206

2006-12-04T21:02:00.000+08:00

You know that when you stare at the computer screen for two minutes trying to figure out your password to blogger that
a) Your brain is pretty much fried, or that
b) You haven't blogged since forever (2 mnths).

But that's beside the point. I'm in the process of clearing up my sidebar and updating stuff like links and getting a new tagboard. Well, I was. Until I clicked on Elaine's blog and the stupid, irritatingly persistant prompt for password forced me to ctrl+alt+del and end task, which also closed my template editing page. I literally swore. Rawr. Screw placid. I'm ill-tempered now.

However, that is also beside the point.

THE POINT IS:
I have (or in this case, I will) deleted a bunch of links that are dead/inactive/moved/password protected/whatnot and so, if your name is not there and you want me to change it (SARAH-ANN) I need links. So make full use of my not-so-sparkly new tagboard or IM me on MSN/AIM and let me know. If your name is still there or you don't have a blog/LJ you want me to put up there, still feel free to abuse the usage of that dratted flooblebox.

Will blog later. Much later.

271006

2006-10-27T20:45:00.000+08:00

Well, hello there. There's a grand total of 2 days before my 'O' level papers start (because, really, who counts the practicals?) and I'm just about ready to freak out. Of course being the placid person that I am (ha-ha), this gets vented out online and online only. How queer.

I sound horribly inane.

Sarah-ann's been staying over since yesterday and she'll be going off tomorrow morning when I leave the house for my eye checkup at Mount E. We're supposed to be studying but I seem to be staring at my computer screen more than my books and she seems to be sleeping half the time. On my bed.

Sarah, I love you, but you're a pig.

My optician said that I may be going blind. "A possibility," he said. It's all it took to freak my mum out. My first thought? "Oh. Then I won't have to take my Os."

I told you I'm placid.

080906

2006-09-08T11:25:00.000+08:00

There's a sense of loss.
And that of helplessness.
There's a feeling of apprehension.
And that of odd disquiet.

It has been realized, some time ago, that life has become less droll and more dull. As we grow up, we conform to society's expections and slowly lose that zest we had as children. That zeal for life and that that we geniunely enjoyed. It's all about books now, is it not? The grades, the essays and the certificate we all aim for. Paper qualifications. Practicalities.

What happened to those dreams? What happened to the determination to be someone other than what we are expected to do? Paper pushers. PhD holders. Impressive. Satisfying? Who can tell? Not I.

Months have passed since I last sat down with pen and paper or an empty word document on my laptop. The want to use words and forge a line, a paragraph, a story... gone. There is no sense of wonderment, of palpable excitement or of the pure and simple need to write.

Quite frankly, it terrifies me.

Where have those dreams gone? Buried under pragmatism. Abandoned but not forgotten. No one can tell me what I should do and no one should tell me what I cannot do. Should, would, cannot, will not. The future is tainted with uncertainty. Marred. Because the wonderment is lost.

How intricate are those patterns that we weave?
Tangled webs?

Perhaps.

030906

2006-09-03T20:10:00.000+08:00

The 20th of November is my LAST O level paper.

Guess what I ~~want~~ am going to do? Guess what guess what guess what?

I'm going to go bowling XD <3

God is so good to me.

<3

even if it is September already. T_T

210806

2006-08-21T15:51:00.000+08:00

Sitting here and reflecting...

nothing really comes to mind.

My life has been revolving around schoolwork day in and day out now that bowling is temporarily out of the picture. I cannot even procrastinate in peace. Every minute wasted is like another straw on the camel's back.

It mocks me, my clock.

The doubts are almost overwhelming.

My father's words never fail to hurt. He makes me feel that praying is a crime I should not commit.

I am tired, I admit. But backing down now and giving up is out of the question.

270706

2006-07-27T19:11:00.000+08:00

I just came home from SAJC.

The campus is beautiful. And huge. Beautiful and huge, yes. Do you know how awkward it is to be in a school that you don't attend? If you don't, just let me tell you:

It is Very Awkward.

Especially if you have no idea what the hell you're doing there. That is, aside from handing in forms that have weird deadlines.

You know what? Forget it. It was just an hour of fascination, awkwardness and confusion all rolled into... 60 minutes, I guess. I think Ger was the most eager to get leave. Nothing much worth mentioning. Saw a couple of bowlers from SJI, RI, MSH and CHS? No girls. At all.

Suddenly I am filled with all sorts of doubts and worry hounding me like a pack of rabid wolves after their supper. (If you will forgive the odd analogy)

What if I can't fit in? What if I don't meet the expected standards? What if I fail? What if they don't like me?

... so many questions, so many ifs, so many worries... It suddenly occurs to me that I really, really don't want to enter into the junior college on my own, even if it's where I really want to be. Ryl wants to make it there, so does Steph and Rachel. I'm already half sure that Clare and Anne will back out at the last minute and go to like, TJC or VJC in the end >F I don' t know. I really don't. I hate being ostracized. I mean, who wouldn't? Now I'm just plain scared and doubtful.

I want to have fun and yet be able to finish my tertiary education well enough to see me to the states for University.

... I should finish my History SBQ now, right? Right.

250706

2006-07-25T20:41:00.000+08:00

Everything's driving me insane.

Firstly, I'm not allowed to bowl till after my O's. Realize that this is a fscking long way off... although not as long as I wish it were, if you get what I mean.

Secondly, the aforementioned O's are driving me completely insane. Anyone who knows me well enough can tell you how much I abhor hitting the books (figuratively, of course.) As such, when faced with a shitload of topics to cover for revision, I tend to wibble and die. Or fall asleep. Same difference, either way.

Thirdly, I have a dysfunctional family. That, too, has long since been established.

Fourthly, just about everything else is nudging me closer to the next level of sanity. And this general statement covers everything else in my oh, so insignificant speck of a life.

...

Yes, I'm done whinging (and indirectly procrastinating) for tonday. Gotta finish Vectors and the other revisions for tmrw's E math CA, reply to Yen's email, write 2 articles...

Oh hours of sleep, where art thou?

160707

2006-07-16T16:28:00.000+08:00

I got it.

Sounds very anti-climatic, I know, especially after all the anticipation, worrying and bouncing about with plain insanity. I guess I should feel very lucky and happy right now. I've been blessed, after all, and it is what I was asking for.

But somehow after having people question my choice of junior college, the exhilaration of recieving the acceptance letter from SAJC kinda died down. I know there are people that are happy for me and I genuinely thank them for their love and support. It's what has brought me through these months of sheer exhaustion and sleepiness and I am glad for such friends and loved ones.

To those I have disappointed in any way, I apologize, but it is what I want to do and no matter what path I choose to walk down, I know my Lord will take me through.

It feels weird, in a way. I've never been much of a student. My marks have always been below average and I've pretty much never excelled at anything aside from English and Lit. It probably goes to prove that "intelligence without hard work is useless" is pretty true. 14 points for mid-years. Who would have guessed?

But it's not the time to get complacent.

I cannot seem to be able to stop procrastinating. It's why I'm always late, why I'm always never on task and why I have never been able to keep up with my schoolwork. Even at this point, I am procrastinating with my A math textbook and exercise book open but with my laptop on and my fingers busy. People tell me that I will sober up nearing the O levels. But I highly doubt it. I mean, prelims in 7 weeks and I'm still being lazy.

Who knows?

Accepting SAJC's DSA offer would mean that I wouldn't have to worry about Prelims and more about my O levels.

True, but what the hell? I still have to ace both exams, even if it's for self-satisfication and assurance.

I have my doubts about myself and have my troubles letting God take reign. I should be panicking right now and I am, to a certain extent. But apparantly it's not enough because I am still choosing Homer over Shakespeare. Would not be much trouble considering that it's a pretty awesome lit text, but it's Twelfth Night I'm studying -_-

I'm lost in A math, in Bio and I really need to work on my combined humanities. At this rate, I doubt I'd survive half a year in junior college, much less two. But that's just me being my lousy ole pessimistic self.

My bowling ball is collecting dust in my bag. Yuin says I'm addicted. Me? ... no comment.

Going down to watch the 'C' Div bowlers on Friday after debate finals. Man, I'm one helluva busy woman. Which reminds me, I'm screwed because the survey for debate is only half done.

Ah, ****. I should hit the books now and be a little productive instead of sitting here and letting my fingers do the rambling. It really is quite pointless.

... Raffles hasn't replied yet.

-jun yi

150606

2006-06-15T22:49:00.000+08:00

Went down to school to collect Mr. Zaini's recommendation letter. Ended up going down to watch age group before tuition and I'll be going down tomorrow evening as well.

Tomorrow... I have a lit seminar at 11. I have to go down to school again to see Mrs. Chia so that she can sign my DSA form. Don't know if I should go bowling after that and go straight to Orchid or if I should just go home first and bowl on Saturday as per normal.

Still haven't finished my personal statement for SAJC. It's driving me batty.

Please tell us some of your interests and activities, and how you think these can help contribute to the college.

Gee, you mean aside from bowling? I have plenty. And they look shinier on my application form compared to my bowling. How I they can help contribute to the college? ... erm. I can write for your non-existant newsletter and contribute to your AV unit. Oh wait, that's a CCA? Really?

*blinks* I fail to see how my writing, AV skills, music and whatnot can contribute aside from the 'it makes me a more holistically developed person' thing

Lmao. I dunno lah... Somehow don't feel confident of getting into SAJC through DSA right now. I need to talk to someone who has got first hand experience and I have a feeling that Elis isn't in SG right now. But you know, I really want this. And I'll just have to sit my ass down tonight and finish writing my personal statement so that even if I don't get it, I won't look back and say damnit, I should have done this, I shouldn't have done that and so on and so forth. I'm real big on the 'no regrets' thing.

Need to do so many things. Like study. Want to do so many things. Like bowl.

If only we don't require sleep. XD

But first, I need to find out why SAJC should even consider my application... and select it.

100606

2006-06-10T00:25:00.000+08:00

Time just passes so fast, doesn't it? I could swear that it was just five minutes ago I was waking up at the beginning of the year, marvelling over the fact that I hardly felt like a sec 4.

2 weeks left to June hols. I guess it's time to make a difference. Shouldn't be complacent just because I had above-average grades for the mid-years 'cause you have to admit, the setters were pretty easygoing on us. Man, I hate having to sit down at a desk and doing revision. It's the perfect sleeping pill. I can start the day off hyper, but the moment I'm at the desk with my bio text...

Zzz.

Wha-? Oh. Well, whatever. I fail, okay? So fail at life.

Still have DSA forms to fill and submit. Mum's already on my case. I'm thinking that I'll just apply to SAJC because it's really the only JC I want to get into. RJC wouldn't want me, that's pretty much established. VJC couldn't give two hoots about bowlers so I don't want to waste my time. ACJC's just out of the question. However, SA doesn't have an editorial team or anything... Hopefully INnerds can become a reality. I cannot imagine myself not writing. Can NOT. Okay? *baleful look at DSA form*

Not to mention the fact that I have to go down to school on monday to collect Mr Zaini's recommendation letter. Speaking of which, he owes us Swensons!

Honestly, I don't know why I'm rambling here. I guess it's largely due to the fact that I'm procrastinating. I did a little Chem.. and a little A math. But that's about it. My room's still in a mess (note to self: bring laundry down) and I've still got 101232873123902 things to do.

Going to Kim Seng to bowl tomorrow. *BLINK* YAY.
Lemme tell you this: Bowling withdrawal = NOT FUN.
iwanttobowliwanttobowliwanttobowliwanttobowl

OOoh.. MDIS on Tuesday.

yes, me = fail.

... good night.

Shoutout to:
IN CROWDERS '06
much love and whatnot. Forgive mistakes and wrongdoings and remember the good times. It was an awesome half-year. Let's not end it here <333 Hugs all round and I hope everyone's happy with their good bargains~? Shuuz, boys... SHUUZ.

ARES
Thank you, ye jackass. You made my week.

ROS
for helping me keep track of the stuff the class went through while I was enjoyin' myself in China and getting fat xD

250506

2006-05-26T22:41:00.000+08:00

To the ghost that reads my blog:

Well, it's been quite some time, hasn't it? So many things and people have happened and changed while others remain stagnated in passing time. Some good, some bad... it's life, after all. Live and let live, be happy with what you have, etc.

I need to crash soon, because I'm really tired.

Semester 1 is over. I blink at you because time really passes too damned fast when you're in the midst of everything. Before you know it, it'll be Prelims and then the Os. Oh wait, Chinese Os on Monday.

In any case... well, in any case nothing. DSA is on our heads now. Some people have it better than others and some don't have it at all.

Why don't we just all study our asses off and get in the way we always have?
Right, I forgot. Because we're human and we're asian.

Good luck and Good night.

j:un y:i

040406

2006-04-04T18:24:00.000+08:00

Hi.

Nope, not dead. Yet. (: Missed me?

Secondary 4 life has been hectic, what with the going ons with IN, bowling, school and life in general. Sometimes I fear that I'll have no time to breathe 'cause I totally fail at time management. However,

Nationals are over. That pretty much sucks because it means that I won't be able to bowl with as much regularity as before ;_; It also means that I've just completed my last and final year as a TK bowler. Not to forget that I now have to concentrate on my studies and become a nerd to catch up with what I've fallen back on these past three years or so.

TKGS placed 4th this year. I placed 31st and managed to maintain my position as top 4 bowlers in TK. I think I can safely say that I've achieved what I aimed to do. It's been an awesome 4 years with this team, despite the ups and downs and I wouldn't have it another way. Now that we all have to hit the books, it means that I'll be seeing less of you guys. Will miss watching you crazy asses make a fool of yourselves :PpPpP The next time we compete in the Nats, we'll probably be bowling against each other in the 'A' divs.

Speaking of which, am now targetting SAJC And am not sure if I'll be able to participate in age group this year either, what with the Beijing trip and all. -_- My parents are already complaining. I flail at you.

Anyhow, good luck and all the best in whatever.

TK Bowling '06 <3

140106

2006-01-14T20:52:00.000+08:00

School's started. Therefore, less updates.

I really should stop talking about people behind their backs. It's going to come round and bite me in the ass one day.

161205

2005-12-17T01:01:00.000+08:00

Went to Orchard with Sam, Mervyn, Mark, Daniel and Yanling today. Walked. And ate. And walked. And walked. And walked somemore. Then we sat down and talked. And ate. And drank. And talked somemore.

Was late coming home. And I guess that meant seeing less of my family.

Have you ever wondered what other people say behind your back? I mean, it's like, you do it all the time but you hardly ever wonder whether or not you will be the subject of the conversation when you're not around. It's kinda freaky when you think about it.

Recall all the moments you've spoken badly about someone behind their backs.

Makes you feel pretty awful, huh?

but I guess that's human nature.

'But it goes against the way I am, to put my human nature down and God's soft prompting can be easiy ignored...'

To my dear da Jie (Jing) and Mark and whoever else I know who's collecting their results on Monday, all the best! :D

111205

2005-12-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

Wanted to go watch Oliver Twist tomorrow morning.

No one's free though. *weeps*

All the best to those taking part in the newspaper competition. [Mervyn Didi, Sammy, Pamm....] No letting some people win, yeah?

Some people think I'm loopy. I'm inclined to think that they're right since I don't really understand myself sometimes.

Anyhow, I got started on my Math holiday homework. Will wonders never cease?

As to who broke my heart? He knows who he is. No one else need know who he is. As for those that do, keep it to yourself or you'll find yourself face to face with one "Violent, Sadistic girl".

I'm emo, so sue me.

101205

2005-12-10T19:16:00.000+08:00

For the benefit of those reading my blog for the first time,

my posts do not make sense.
Neither are they blow-by-blow accounts of my day.
They're just random thoughts or feelings which have been bugging the hell outta me or messages to the people I know and~~/or hate and~~ love. :)

That being said,

You have been warned.

You're reading at your own risk and out of your own boredom. You can't sue me! I'd totally sick Alf on you.

-----------------

I've fallen half in love with Bach's Cello Suite No. 1 - Prelude and I can't get enough of this CD.

Merv's blog is up and I need to tag/link Pammy, Asyikin, Nur and Sammy. I also need to do my A and E math holiday assignments but that's beside the point. Oh, and I should probably call Kuya Jo. :x *procrastinates*

I missed Holy Spirit's confirmation 'cause I was having a lousy afternoon with my parents. So yeah, to Clare and Cheryl, I'm really sorry.

And my mum's lost something which totally horrifies and amuses me. roflmao... crap.

To all my lovely friends out there,

KRYSTAL LOVES YOU!!!!

*snerks*

Yes, I'm crazy. Mark, shut up.

All I want

2005-11-21T23:49:00.000+08:00

I just want someone to be here.

Somehow, it's too much to ask.

I'm sorry

but I just don't know.

Anything.

170905

2005-09-17T08:45:00.000+08:00

Whirlwind days...

Seriously, everything's been happening so fast. My Piano exam is on Monday and the finals are already staring at me.

My application at IN has been accepted. Yes, to all you buggers out there who said I'd do it, you're right and I'm wrong -_- Thanks for all the help and support <3 It meant truckloads to me :D I wish the exams were over. I have a thousand and one things I want/have to do.

120905

2005-09-12T22:14:00.000+08:00

I'm stupid.

I'm so stupid.

I'm so stupid I could kill myself.

ARGH.

WHY am I so STUPID?!

I left my *bleep*ing file at the *bleep*ing busstop.

my FILE. my SCHOOL file. My... askdjhalksdhlaksjhdlkajsd.

*gives you this really pathetic disgruntled stare*

First off, it has my entry proof in it. Without it, I can't take my chinese Os.

Secondly, it has my math homework in it. Along with my Bio and Chem notes among other rather important documents.

thirdly, it RAINED. So if even if by some happy chance that it's still there, it's be drenched and ruined. I'd prefer that to it not being there though. Better still, I hope it's somewhere safe in the General office now.

ARGH! I'm going to go off myself now. Grr... Of all the dumb, idiotic, careless... asklhdadak.

Sarah...

2005-08-24T18:13:00.000+08:00

Get well soon. ((:

140508

2005-08-14T18:58:00.000+08:00

Feeling rather numb now.

Spent the day studying Bio. Was feeling rather satisfied with the amount of work I've done. Then Ares called. Said he was feeling unhappy and that he suddenly couldn't help but think about how great an impact the loss was to our lives. Spent an hour on the phone just listening to him talk and essentially feeling unhappy with him until his tutor came.

It's been 1 day shy of 4 months since that day.

Seems to be a rather long time doesn't it?

No, it feels like it all happened just yesterday. The pain, the tears and the emptiness... It just comes back at random moments and makes me feel short of breath. The stuffiness in my chest returns and its times like these that I feel that my life will never be the same. Its during these times when smiles become forced and I look like I'm grimacing.

I cannot bring to mind a time when I felt truly loved by another person ever since a couple of days after her death. Somehow feels like something is missing. Mayhap there have been reasons to feel cherished, but I just haven't had the heart to feel it.

I don't know what to feel.

Everytime I talk to God, I don't know how to put things across to him. But I know that he understands and that he will heal the wounds in time to come. It is he who has brought me through the difficult times and blessed me with my friends and I place my life in his hands.

Right now, I'm just going to do some more Bio before dinner, after which I will start on my homework

110805

2005-08-11T19:45:00.000+08:00

Rather dreary and dismal day at school. Full of disappointment, raging, reminders and a tinge of sadness.

After awhile, bouncing around with a big grin plastered on your face gets a little tiring. Just like after awhile, people tend to get annoyed with you for being too unhappy or too happy or too anything.

Afternoon was better though. Attempted to get some work done with Sarah and Ben. Yes, attempted. But you have to admit, it's more than it would I have done if I were left alone. Need more determination and will to actually start studying.

Ate ice cream! M'gonna put on lotsa weight if I don't watch it. No more fast food, Sarah. I don't want to land myself in NAF. But shtill, thanks for teh ice-cream, Ben (:

Hmmm... I rather feel a little like Marvin.

... Work. Right. It's the only option left if I don't want to think about stuff. Will prolly start on my studies soon. Am quite sick of wasting my time doing nothing. Have to go do my EL project now. No offense to Gerry or any of my group members but... Looks like I'm the one who clears up the mess.

Again.

[No, I'm not suicidal or in any way depressed. This is teen angst and I believe that everyone goes through it at one point of time. Ares can go jump off the tallest building because he says I'm not depressed in a normal way. Christian can go jump off after him for saying I'm not normal and Steph can stay with me for pushing me off that building called 'sanity']

Once again, I do not make sense, but there you have it.

090805

2005-08-09T18:50:00.000+08:00

So while a vast majority of the Singaporeans are out there celebrating...

I am sitting in front of the computer screen. Doing what? I have no idea. I'm pretty sure that there's something to be done that I haven't even thought of starting. This will then whack me on the back of my head when I'm in the car on the way to school.

Would probably end up writing anyway.
Speaking of writing, my portfolio practically amounts to zilch. I think Flora's facing similar problems though. Hmmm... Should probably go sniff out Mrs. Lim and bug her to arrange an EB meeting.

Realize that I haven't been doing anything productive lately. Once again, productive is relative, but when Krystal means nothing productive, she means nothing at all. That definitely has to be remedied. Hm.

In any case, it doesn't really matter at the moment.

Do any of my blog posts make sense?

No.

Are they supposed to?

No.

Even if they are... they probably won't.

Ha.

070805

2005-08-07T00:21:00.000+08:00

Yes, I have been neglecting my poor blog. It is most unfortunate. Have been attempting to be good and study. Mainly because I've been feeling particularly depressed about absolutely pathetic grades.

((At this point I cut in to remind myself to never allow Jonathan, my moronic older brother, to use the computer, especially when I'm in the midst of using it. I don't _care_ if he can't play WC3 on this lousy, beat up computer. I was bloody well using it and downloading SC. I have every single bloody right to use the computer as much as he does and considering that I haven't touched the damned thing in eons, I can bloody well use it as long as I like. At least Jeremy has the decency to leave my downloads on when I tell him to. So yes, no being nice and letting that selfish bastard use the computer. He can bloody well WAIT until I finish since he's almost always using the computer anyway. Besides, doesn't he have his ruddy 'A' levels to study for? Thinks he' s so much of a genius that he doesn't need to study for it now? Well, brother dearest, best of sodding luck to you.))

See, I have lost the mood to blog now. I would stop here, but I've got nothing else to do on this lousy computer. Except to speed tag someone and I've got no mood for that either anymore. I could maim Jonathan now. Seriously. I hope he sees this because I bloody well am _not_ going to give in to him anymore. No matter how 'unreasonable' he sees fit to call me. I may be unreasonable, but he's not the fairest or nicest brother one could have either. Pot and the kettle. So be it.

Where was I? Right, lousy grades.

Lousy grades make me want to study because I know darn well I can do better than that. Why on Earth do I have to lose out to Phoebe? I know for a fact that I can just as well, if not better than them. I'm tired of getting used to failing things and getting mediocre results with last minute studying. I am also tired of wasting my time doing completely useless things such as sleeping 12 hours a day. I have to buck up now, study and actually pay attention in class.

I came into TKG as one of the top students. I'm not about to leave it being one of the bottom few. This is not ego talking. This is pride. And concern for my future. Grades may not be everything, but they sure help a whole fucking lot and I'll be damned before I see myself getting retained or kicked out or whatever. It's of no use to wallow in self-pity and bemoan my lack of marks when I don't do anything about it.

So yes, for once in my pathetic existence I'm actually going to work to achieve something. Lord, please give me the strength.

In any case, met Natalie for lunch. Then met Ares and Christian. They're like pillars of support for me right now. Or rather, I think we've all become rather dependent on each other. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Also, Trisha's mum wants us to stop my the house some time next week to pick up stuff she left for us. I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle it. Am feeling a little emotionally drained atm.

Aside from that, Piano exam is coming. I dread it. End of story. PA tomorrow, 2pm at St. Bern's. Hillsong concert till 10pm. Will have to wake up early to finish my HCL and A math. Not sure if I've got any homework to complete though... I never really bothered before. Odd, that.

My life is screwy, I need time to unscrew it.

I've been keeping my daily prayer time, and it helps a lot. I'm happy, satisfied and ready to take on the challenges thrown at me.

Thank you, Father.

310705

2005-07-31T20:40:00.000+08:00

I desperately need a Chem tutor.

or I tell you what.

I'm going to fail every single last one of my subjects, get myself kicked out of TK and then lead some wastrel's life and be a completely, utter failure in life.

See? I'm desperate.

I need a bloody Chemistry tutor. Now.

*goes crazy*

130705

2005-07-13T22:45:00.000+08:00

Should probably be dropping off to bed soon. Waiting for Lizz to solve stuff with Ben right now though. Not sure how long mum's patience would last. *winces*

Anyway, to all those people who have been wondering but have not dared to ask and have been, instead, speculating, wondering, talking, gossiping about it: Yes, it's over. And has been for at least 2 weeks now. It's not your problem. Neither do I want it to be mine.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, good.

I don't like how my blog has suddenly become fodder for many of the 'conversations' around us. Especially when I have always thought that no one really reads it. It is, quite frankly, disconcerting. Please, if you read, drop a message or something.

Some people need to learn that there is such a thing called tact floating around somewhere.

120705

2005-07-12T13:45:00.000+08:00

M'sick. And for the first time I'm happy bout it 'cause it means I'm missing my Chem CA. Although I'm not sure if I'll be asked to take it on another day. It also means that I'm missing my EL dramatization.

I need to get an MC. Because if I don't, I'm dead.

Philip's asking me how I'm celabrating my b'day. I'm like o_O...
I don't usually do celabrations man. Just like, some family cut cake thing. M'not sure if I go out or something. Yes, I have a poor memory and my b'day's never been much of a big deal.

Mmm... So, whatever, yeah?

040705

2005-07-04T15:27:00.000+08:00

I just found out that the people at Nanyang Optical gave me the wrong prescription.

Apparantly, I'm not short-sighted. I'm long-sighted. Like, wtf.

In any case, I'm not getting specs because my mum doesn't want to waste money on something that I don't really need. The fuzziness, apparantly only comes after I do long hours of reading and whatnot. The optician I visited said I didn't really need it all the time... only when I'm reading. And la di daa. I'm not sure what else was said 'cause my memory span is only 5 minutes, give or take a couple of seconds.

Bottom line: I'm not getting any specs.

Didn't get to tell my mum that I wanted 'em 'cause I do long hours of reading but since she said don't need then don't buy then I guess I'll just live with it. Taking breaks after 20++ minutes helps. Or would help if it weren't for the fact that it doesn't take 20 minutes for my vision to blur.

Still can't get over the fact that I've been using a prescription that did more harm than help.

Ah screw it. Lol... I don't need those sheets of plastics. I have a 20-20 vision. <3 most of the time.

Lmao.

300605

2005-06-30T23:20:00.000+08:00

Lovely week, really.

Volo anaticulum cumminosam meam!
I WANT MY RUBBER DUCKY!

240605

2005-06-24T11:31:00.000+08:00

Is this how it ends? This whole drama, this whole story, is this it? I feel numbed, unsure of how I should be feeling.

Relieved? Hurt? Unhappy?

It's happened so many times that I just don't know if this is simply one of those 'other times'. But it feels like it. Somehow. It's just this tension in the air. Weird, really. We've always managed to draw the line somewhere. Now I'm just lost.

No, I guess I'm not brooding or anything. Just wondering and contemplating and procrastinating from getting anything done about it. Yes, I should call you, talk to you as a best friend. I'm doubting if I can do that though. It just all of a sudden, feels so damned complicated. For the first time.

People who know about the nature of our relationship have always wondered and told me how odd and how difficult it must be to maintain it at such a level. But to the four of us, it just really didn't matter much, did it? Not until the four became the three and I became a standalone.

I know you care. I know he cares. I know she cared.

Suddenly our kind of love doesn't seem so wonderful after all. It's just one complex web of feelings and friendships.

Praying that things will come to a pass. Praying that things won't come to an end. Talked with God this morning, and he told me, that maybe I should just let things take their course, not try too hard.

I'll call, and let him talk. Like I said, I'm not the best kind of friend you might want, I don't have the correct words to say, but I can listen.

I wanna talk to someone. Only I don't know who. It's odd, but I feel friendless at the moment. Whee?

Thanks, anna-banana. You rock my purple polka-dotted socks (:

160605

2005-06-16T16:14:00.000+08:00

I'm fine. I keep telling the people around me that too.

The theory here is that you keep telling yourself the same thing until you find yourself convinced by it. It's worked, to a certain extent. After all, it's counterproductive to engage yourself in the pointless exercise of feeling sorry for yourself...

It's difficult, sometimes, to pen your thoughts down in words. So I'm not going to make a public spectacle of myself to the few people that do read this blog.

Got work to do.

Do /not/ quote me.

130605

2005-06-13T07:47:00.001+08:00

If only 42 were the answer to everything.

If only life were a tad bit better.

If only I could lose some weight.

If only that little biatch at the back would just stfu.

If only I could kiss your tears away...

So many 'ifs' so many 'wishes'. Well, if wishes were horses then beggars would ride.

I have yet to come across anyone who feels that his/her life is one that he/she has no regrets living and that if given a chance wouldn't do a single icky change to the whole mess. In fact, to him/her, that life is so perfect and he/she is so content and wouldn't have cared less if he/she died the next moment. Simply because his/her life was a beautiful, amazing journey and he/she was happy.

I doubt I ever will.

Because it very simply (and annoyingly) is the trait of a human to be so... discontent. It doesn't matter how much money there is in his bank accounts (all 42 of them), it doesn't matter how many children he has, it doesn't matter how successful his sodding career has been. He just isn't content. And that imbecellic moron, otherwise known as human, would seek even further to ease this discontent and find that the situation just keeps getting from bad to worse.

Yes, I'm guilty, you're guilty, hell, everyone is guilty of this. If you say that you're not then you're a) lying or b) a lackwit or c) you can prove me wrong.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm just looking at life from this particular angle which really isn't a constructive thing to do. Then again, maybe I just couldn't care less.

040605

2005-06-04T10:48:00.000+08:00

OBS was an unforgettable experience which I really enjoyed. I shall not, however, blog about it because

a) it would come out like crap
b) I have to write an article and a reflection on it.

So I'll just leave it at this. I had a great time, came back burnt and tired, but really happy. I feel so much better about myself now. And hey, I made a bunch of really cool friends (:

Now, it's time to head back to reality for a bit I guess. Lotsa work to do. Things to plan, to achieve, to accomplish, to complete, to get started. There's gonna be a lot of hard work and dedication put in to get my life back in order. I'm not looking forward to it, but it's something I feel I have to do.

Oh, if anyone sees this: The manual of the Warrior of Light, can you please, please, please buy it for me. I'll pay you back.

To my friends who have been unable to contact me, I'm sorry for my absence. I can now be contacted through phone, email and IM. So bug away~ ^_^

I'm gonna go blog surfing now, before I go eat and get ready for training. *Picks at sunburn on right arm* I hope this won't start hurting again. >_<

250505

2005-05-25T23:19:00.000+08:00

Please, just stop and let me be upset in peace.

I really really really really am fine. If I want you to know something I will tell you. If I want comfort I will look for you.

Right now, I'm perfectly fine on my own. I'm not bawling my eyes out and I'm not attempting suicide any time soon. I am Fine. Like, really really really fine. See, I'm dancing for joy.

So you either grin and be all happy and dandy with me, or you don't talk to me. Please.

If I hear a "What happened?" and "Are you Okay?" again I tell you, I will flip, no matter how good the intention is. It's starting to really irk me.

No offense meant. Honest.

I really am fine. I cannot stress this enough. I am FINE.

Thank you.

250505

2005-05-25T19:27:00.000+08:00

I'm supposed to be working on the EL script with Gerry now. ^_^ The first piece of work since Lord knows when. *Pokes mystery novel in front of her* Hafta quit lazing around soon. After all, there's so much more to life than just slacking it away.

I met Ares at Simei today after piano. And we spent dinner throwing fries at each other. Oh, and Shengzhi really amuses me. *Headtilt* Our conversations are so random and would make anyone go -_- But really, he cracks me up. Steph's back in SG and Alan might be coming back too. Yes, I'm seeing everyone at RYA going o_O.

Anyway, something struck me today about how little someone can understand another even if you've known that person since you were 9. It's not because we lack the time to spend with each other, it's because we never really bothered to go understand the other person and go beneath the surface. And as people move further away from each other, the understanding becomes more shallow and you go, I've known you for so long, surely I know that... And then you realize that what might have been a few years back, doesn't apply to the present person standing in front of you.

Freaky, yes. That's life.

On another note, Changing this template back to a default thingamajit has caused me to lose my links and tagboard. Oops?

240505

2005-05-24T18:51:00.000+08:00

Let me recount my night for you

1AM: Woke up. Notices that Room is in a mess, bag and uniform not ready for school. Goes back to bed.

2AM: Wakes up again. Stares at clock for a minute. Plays rock CD. Goes back to bed.

4AM: Wakes up to silence. Room light is off. Deduced that Dad must've come in in the middle of night to turn off light. Gets bag packed. Room is still in a mess. Uniform still... somewhere.

5AM: Wakes up, groans, wants to fall back to sleep but chooses instead to go down to laundry room to retrieve uniform. Gets clothes in order, falls back to bed.

6.20AM: Wakes up, stares at clocks. PANICS.

I wasn't late. I still made it first for duty. -_- I was so stoned. I made it through assembly, then after that was Bio. I made it through 3 quarters of the lesson before I completely blanked out and asked Gerry to accompany me down to the sick bay, thus leaving poor Abby and Beatrice to finish up Bio project. Of which I didn't do much. Just the write up. Okay, now I'm starting to feel horrible again.

I went to sick bay. Fell asleep. Slept, continue sleeping and slept somemore. Until... the end of the second-last period. I was like. "... ..." By then the gastric had set in. Went back to class for Lit. My head still felt like someone had attacked it with a hammer again.

So yes, attended first and last periods of the day. *amused*

After school, I went to staff room, met Lizzy, Mrs Lim, Mrs Hoe (I decided to drop the Lit poem course thing). went down to studio. Stoned a while more before going in for the leadership essence thingamajit. It was fun, really. (:

Yes, that's essentially my day.

I come online... and get swarmed by 5... no, make that 6 people on MSN and AIM. There's Jon Goh, Shengzhi (whose new class really amuses me), Sarah-ann (who is grumbling over something again), Gerry (whose ring I apparantly have lost. -.-). I approached Rennie for the simple fact that I haven't talked to her in ages and Kira just IMed me.

I feel so loved.

Yes, I realise that I've been really stoned and moody and all "go away" lately. But I'm just really tired and really stressed and I just need some time to get myself together again. There is no particular reason as to why anyone should be worried about my health or welfare or whether or not something major has happened to me. It's just been a really crazy, hectic past three weeks.

I. Am. Fine. Thank you. Very, very, very much.

God Bless. (:

230505

2005-05-23T07:50:00.000+08:00

Returned home from YFC camp yesterday at around 3:30PM. Went up to my room and promptly fell asleep. Was shaken awake and lugged downstairs for dinner. Mum refused to allow me to go back to bed for another hour so I took out the glory songbook which I borrowed from Clare and did some random playing. Did my chorse and went straight back to bed. Who said that you can't sleep after taking naps anyway?

I seem to be sleeping a lot these days. Too much maybe. Anyway, who cares?

The camp at SACSS was truly a great experience. Like Tito Dick said, there were a lot of 'firsts' for all of us. There were a lot of firsts for myself too. With this camp came a lot of worrying, trying moments and strained emotions, but with God's grace, we all pulled through and it was an amazing success. For this Lord, we praise and thank you. (:

I had a lot to say, but somehow my brain... is in a state of disrepair, so to speak. It's 8 in the morning. I'm supposed to meet Gerry at 9 outside school. I think... I just might be late.

Chuang Yang:

2005-05-17T23:05:00.000+08:00

--------------------

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY!
Wishing you a blessed 15th birthday and hope that all your wishes and dreams will come true. Thanks for being there.

Go forth with confidence and poise~

God bless <3

--------------

160505

2005-05-16T18:37:00.000+08:00

See, this is where lizz should open mouth and insert foot.

I'm smiling, I promise

130505

2005-05-13T19:24:00.001+08:00

Feeling better now. Was so tired during training that I couldn't think straight. I hope Hilary didn't fall asleep during the concert.

I guess right now what's on my mind is how lucky I am. Despite the fact that I keep going on about the fact that I can't trust anyone completely, I'm really blessed that I do have people I can rely on, whine to and rant to... and they'd listen. (You can tell that they are really patient people.) So thank you for supporting me for the past week. It means a lot to me.

Ares and Christian - I'm glad that you guys understand and your words really made me feel better. No thanks is needed, Rhys. I still love you. And Chris, in your own kinda way, I do get what you mean. It's hard not to.

Trisha - I love you babe, and I'll do whatever I can for you. You know that. Don't be a stranger. I don't need 'thank you's and 'sorry's. Loving you always.

Lizzy - Congrats, dahl. M'so proud of you. No doubting yourself. I know it's been a difficult two weeks and you wanted to be your best. But it doesn't change the fact that you guys did well and won.

Schwa - I know I've been an abrupt biatch lately. And I'm really sorry. uhm... Moodswings? ^__^

RYA juniors - I know that you are doing your best to juggle everything in life. And I know it's not easy (after all, it's not like I'm succeeding very well) and I just wanna thank you for being uncomplaintive, understanding and very well-behaved people. It's a real joy to coach you guys.

Fae - I hate you. Not really but I still hate you. *snuggles*

Nat - for being that crazy person you always are and for making laugh through all those wonky times. Let us continue to praise and worship the lord and spread his name to the far corners of the earth together. laavya, hon.

You guys really are a godsend and I love all of you. Friendship is a precious thing (:

150505

2005-05-05T19:52:00.000+08:00

I'm in the midst of doing something I absolutely abhor doing. I would rather go and study for my upcoming Spring Test than sit in front of my computer, attempting to use photoshop and failing before trying to draw something that resembles a desk.

Note words used: Attempting, Tried, Failing.

I don't see why the hell Literature students have to spend time doing a stupid bookcover for their text just because it's 'not nice' and 'plain'. It's plain ridiculous. It doesn't require one to be an artist to study this subject. Creative, yes, artistic with words, yes. Artistic with colours shapes and what not, most definitely not (for me).

This stupid CA is going to bloody well pull my entire grade down and that is Not Fair because, I can't draw to save my skin. Or anyone else's for that matter and it's not for the lack of trying.

But whatever, not like it's going to make a difference to anyone else. After all, we students have to be put through a decade or more of having to submit ourselves to the orders of our 'betters'. Whoopdeedoo.

But as I complain about mild, unimportant stuff like this, people are unhappy and crying over matters far serious than this.

I ask that my friends do a favour for me today.

I have a friend in hospital, diagnosed with cancer and she might not survive to see the next year. She's only 14.

I have a friend, whose brother has been diagnosed with AIDS and has been ridden with a lot of other illnesses and conditions. He is dying and my friend is heartbroken. His brother is 18.

I ask that you pray for them, that they may have a safe journey and that may their loved ones pick themselves up and move on when the time comes for them to do so. I ask that they be happy and not leave us with a frown on their faces. I ask that they will know that they are loved and cherished, that the Father will be waiting for them with open arms. I ask that you pray that their pains will be eased.

I'm no linguist, no wordsmith, but that's all I'm asking for. A prayer.

Thank you.

To whom it may concern

2005-04-28T21:04:00.000+08:00

I am totally and utterly amused by the behaviour of some people. Their hypocritical mannerisms and offensive speech have spoken volumes about their maturity... or lack thereof. I beg of you who annoy me and are annoyed by me: Leave me alone. The both of you.

I most certainly do not wish to speak with someone who calls me things that I am not behind my back in an attempt to win favour of someone else. It is deceitful and uncalled for. So please don't start acting all chummy with me because basically, I don't really care whether or not you exist and I would very much prefer it if you stop acting as though I should be treating you like the best of friends. I thought better of you, really. So excuse me if I no longer wish to reply to ur incessant messages. If you wish to talk to me about a matter of importance, please, feel free to approach. But if it is for pointless and mundane things, don't bother. At all. Thank you.

250405

2005-04-25T14:56:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, Jon told us of this short prayer during covanent orientation. It goes something like
"Lord, I ask that you help me bring someone to you today."

This morning, during Legacy, Mrs Chan asked some of us to share of an experience that has had an effect on our lives. The first thing that came to mind was Mega camp last year and joining YFC. So when she asked me if I had anything to share, I told them, quite briefly of how it has helped me. Shared how I've grown closer to Him and gotten to know him so much more... to 38 other people.

It felt great. Really. And to know that there were more than half a class of Christians with me taught me how blessed I was to be in 3/9 with these wonderful people.

150405

2005-04-15T21:55:00.000+08:00

Received a lecture from Mr Zaini after training today. The team is really lacking in discipline. Compared to the way the atheletes train, it's really bad. And that sucks, because I think with more discipline and hard work, the TK bowling team can go really far.

But I guess, it's a personal decision. You have to decide on your own and tell yourself how serious you actually are about the sport and how much effort and sacrifice you're willing to make to improve in it. Then again, I'm a fine one to talk.

As for the sec 1s and 2s. Train hard, do your best. Have the right attitude and it'll take you a long way.

Coach Michael's bugging Ares and I about our knees again. We might have to go down to CGH for another physio. Now my ankle is starting to hurt. Whoopdeedoo. But, sarcasm aside, it's beginning to really bug me.